The heart is sure a complicated thing. It is here that our true selves dwell; within this unseen part of ourselves that we keep our darkest secrets and deepest yearnings. Yet often times it is concealed from the sight of the world, and sometimes, even from ourselves.

And maybe this is our problem. That we live in a world so full of facades that we never take the time to dig deep within and look at what lies beneath. We like fast fixes, one stop shops, that we forget to reflect upon our mistakes, to give time for gratitude to sink in, or to grieve our losses. We neglect our emotions as inconveniences.

Because honestly, to look within yourselves requires courage – a lot of it. For to go deep is to see all the yuckiness that fills the heart. People who know themselves well enough should, in fact, be self-loathing.

Yet in His kindness, the Lord redeems even the most wretched of hearts. For it is there that He dwells.

If only, we were brave enough to face wrestling through hating ourselves, maybe we would find grace to be enough, and more beautiful than ever.

So I pray, that the words that are penned here will only draw you deeper into yourselves, and ultimately, to find your true selves embraced in Christ completely. And I pray, that to see such deep love is to fall deeper in love with Him.

In Christ,
Jessica Tanoesoedibjo

“Without knowledge of the self, there is no knowledge of God. Our wisdom, insofar as it ought to be deemed true and solid wisdom, consists almost entirely of two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves.” – John Calvin

“Our hearts are restless until they find rest in you.” – Augustine, from the Confessions of St Augustine

Change is inevitable, so they say. And it definitely has been true in my life. I’ve moved around a lot, currently living in the fourth country I’ve had to reside in. I’ve attended at least 12 different schools, in three different continents, and so home for me never was a place.

Neither was it an option for me to harbor my life around people. Growing up, I had learnt to become only necessarily attached. Even though I have been blessed with a wonderful family, circumstances only taught me that it is better to be independent.

Such a lack of permanence and stability was what launched me to embark on a journey of endless searching. Yet amidst such a tiresome endeavor, instead, Grace found me. 

Personally, I’ve had the privilege of having everything provided for—not merely those of necessity, but even to excess. I am very blessed, I must admit that. And even though I truly am thankful, I have to say that what I’ve grown to be most grateful for is to know and realize for a fact that nothing on this earth truly satisfies.

We are so easily drawn into present and immediate fulfillments, and amidst them, we so quickly lose ourselves. And temporary as they are, it is no question that we will end up disappointed, time and time again, and wind up back at square one. We seek, we find, we lose, we go back searching.

Yet as Christ found me, He showed me a better way to live. A life that does not look to any place as home, but instead longs for eternity. A life that does not use, nor shy away from people, but learns to love others better and deeper. A life that does not seek independence, but knows its full dependency on the One who holds it all together. A life that no longer needs to search for meaning, for significance, for permanence, but one that rests in being found by the Perfect Lover.

Hence why this blog. I pray that you may journey with me here to only search the Scriptures, and find the Lord to be enough. For I know that “from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen.” (Romans 11:36)

Please don’t hesitate to ask, or send in comments and opinions—it is always exciting to hear back!